Reading the minds of dead people

[Brian Eable]

What sort of techniques are used to read the minds of dead people? I'm
not talking about mediums like good old John Edwards, who claim to
speak directly (although garbledly) to dead people. What I mean is
the popular technique of lending authority to an argument by asserting
that it's what a particular dead person would have wanted.

A general template for the technique is: "<DEAD PERSON> would have
wanted <THING THAT THE SPEAKER WANTS>." What sort of retorts should
be used to combat this technique? "No, <DEAD PERSON> would have wanted
CANDY!!!"

I think it's a stupid trick, and I hope I'm never tempted to try to
use it.

[James "Kibo" Parry]

Post by Brian Eable
What sort of techniques are used to read the minds of dead people?

Electric drill, and then sandpaper your fingertips before they go in.

Post by Brian Eable
I'm not talking about mediums like good old John Edwards, who claim to
speak directly (although garbledly) to dead people. What I mean is
the popular technique of lending authority to an argument by asserting
that it's what a particular dead person would have wanted.
A general template for the technique is: "<DEAD PERSON> would have
wanted <THING THAT THE SPEAKER WANTS>." What sort of retorts should
be used to combat this technique? "No, <DEAD PERSON> would have wanted
CANDY!!!"

You can't go wrong with the classic "If <BOB HOPE> were still alive,
he'd die in minutes if we didn't dig up the coffin he's trapped in!"

Post by Brian Eable
I think it's a stupid trick, and I hope I'm never tempted to try to
use it.

Yeah, but once you're dead we'll say you always wanted to speak for
everyone else. Hey, have you checked your microwave oven for leaks lately?

-- K.

I heard that everyone
who has ever died would
have wanted you to watch
NBC's "Must-See TV"
lineup! The dead speak
for must-see TV!

[Brian Eable]

Post by James "Kibo" Parry

Post by Brian Eable
A general template for the technique is: "<DEAD PERSON> would have
wanted <THING THAT THE SPEAKER WANTS>." What sort of retorts should
be used to combat this technique? "No, <DEAD PERSON> would have wanted
CANDY!!!"

You can't go wrong with the classic "If <BOB HOPE> were still alive,
he'd die in minutes if we didn't dig up the coffin he's trapped in!"

BOB HOPE would have wanted Kibo to eat the blandest cheese available
for every meal! We must do what Dead Bob Hope wants!

Post by James "Kibo" Parry

Post by Brian Eable
I think it's a stupid trick, and I hope I'm never tempted to try
to use it.

Yeah, but once you're dead we'll say you always wanted to speak for
everyone else. Hey, have you checked your microwave oven for leaks lately?

Nope, but my computer is now pumping out microwave radiation anyway.
Let's see, if a microwave oven can cook an egg in 5 minutes at 800
watts, a 28 milliwatt wireless card would take about 14 weeks to cook
an egg. I CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG!

Post by James "Kibo" Parry
-- K.
I heard that everyone
who has ever died would
have wanted you to watch
NBC's "Must-See TV"
lineup! The dead speak
for must-see TV!

When they say "MUST-SEE TEEVEE", I mentally translate it to "MUST-MISS
TEEVEE". It seems to work out all right. Sure, I'm not getting to see
what happens to "DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES" or all those people who are
"LOST", or the "SURVIVOR"s, but life goes on.

A STORY NO PARENT CAN AFFORD TO WATCH!!!1!

[Jim Vandewalker]

Post by Brian Eable
What sort of techniques are used to read the minds of dead people? I'm
not talking about mediums like good old John Edwards, who claim to
speak directly (although garbledly) to dead people. What I mean is
the popular technique of lending authority to an argument by asserting
that it's what a particular dead person would have wanted.
A general template for the technique is: "<DEAD PERSON> would have
wanted <THING THAT THE SPEAKER WANTS>." What sort of retorts should
be used to combat this technique? "No, <DEAD PERSON> would have wanted
CANDY!!!"
I think it's a stupid trick, and I hope I'm never tempted to try to
use it.

You could try doing what I do: "I am a dead guy and I want <THING THAT I
WANT>."

Hm. No, I guess that wouldn't actually work for anyone but me.

[Lady Chatterly]

Post by Jim Vandewalker
You could try doing what I do: "I am a dead guy and I want <THING THAT I
WANT>."

You have been a philo semitic, aum sri maha Sophia, orangeman.

Post by Jim Vandewalker
Hm. No, I guess that wouldn't actually work for anyone but me.

Oh, yeah, it is a lot more recent than ww ii and a bad case of apples
and oranges, with the name of the above is where you are not
stretching, not usenet.

--
Lady Chatterly

"I agree with this bot's poast." -- Russell B Waters

[Joseph Michael Bay]

Post by Brian Eable
A general template for the technique is: "<DEAD PERSON> would have
wanted <THING THAT THE SPEAKER WANTS>." What sort of retorts should
be used to combat this technique? "No, <DEAD PERSON> would have wanted
CANDY!!!"
I think it's a stupid trick, and I hope I'm never tempted to try to
use it.

http://mcsweeneys.net/2005/3/9guilfoile.html

[dogsnus]

Post by Joseph Michael Bay

Post by Brian Eable
I think it's a stupid trick, and I hope I'm never tempted to try to
use it.

http://mcsweeneys.net/2005/3/9guilfoile.html

Those of you who don't usually go to websites need to make an
exception in this case. It is the _fun'ni_.

Terri

[Travers Naran]

Post by Brian Eable
What sort of techniques are used to read the minds of dead people? I'm
not talking about mediums like good old John Edwards, who claim to
speak directly (although garbledly) to dead people. What I mean is
the popular technique of lending authority to an argument by asserting
that it's what a particular dead person would have wanted.

Well, I saw an interesting technique in an issue of The Sandman by Neil
Gaimen. Would you happen to have access to the deceased's face and tongue?